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[05 Dec 2020|09:17pm] |
Spam.
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[26 Jan 2010|09:02pm] |
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I've been a bit quite lately. It's been a crazy kind of few weeks, full of all kinds of surprises. Some good, others...I'm still not sure what to make of them. But it's good. Life is easier to live these days. It's strange to have everything be so uncertain and actually be alright with it. I guess thats what happens when you figure out the difference between a need and want.
My mother came to visit, she brought Lincoln too. It was awkward because I wasn't expecting her and I had a guest come over. Though in the end it wasn't as bad as it could have been I guess. I took the rest of the week off so I can spend it with her and my bubs showed her around the big bad city. She started to get that gleam in her eye like she wanted to go look at apartments, I cured that by introducing her to subway rats. I don't know if I could stand her constant nagging. That and I don't like the thought of her becoming drinking buddies to any guys I might meet. It was great having her around, don't get me wrong. Put a lot of things into perspective. It was a hard year for her with losing my father and all, but she is so strong. If she could survive losing the love of her life then we as humans are capapble of survivng just about anything. I think I needed to see that first hand.
Everything is changing so quickly. Seems like there is an ever revolving door and people just seem to come and go, so it's important to hang on to the memories. That is what gets us through the hard times after all. I've made many friends since moving here and some are still around while others are moving on. But just because there is distance between us doesn't mean that our friendship ever goes away. And yes, I am talking to you Liv. My love for you is as close as I get to hetero lovin' and I am going to miss you tons. On that note I decided that I need to stop living in my comfort zone and socialize a bit more so feel free to poke at me. Aside from work and hang out at my house I really don't do much else thats worth mention. And I'd appreciate if someone remedied that.
If you made it through this congrats. I am sorry for boring you to tears with my rant, I will make it up to you by buying you lunch.
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[28 Dec 2009|10:25am] |
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Hello everyone, it seems that since moving on I don't get to spend as much time with all you bright and shiny happy people as I'd like! With the holidays I know a lot of you have been super busy and all, I know I have. I got a package from my mom today. She sent me a scarf and gloves, which undoubtedly she knitted herself. They are hideous...they look like someone killed the fraggle Boober and turned him into winter accessories. I'll wear them regardless, so if you see me know that my poor lonely old ma made them and that you can't make fun of me for it! I also got cookies and pictures of Lincoln, he's so big. I really wish I could've gone home for the holidays, but I can't complain...santa's been pretty good to me this holiday.
By the way I wanted to thank whoever gave me the teapot, it's pretty much the best thing ever! And the scarf...waaaaay better than my ma's! The pasta, I could have done without! And speaking of gifts, I have a few that need delivering you should all have them by this afternoon. Can't wait for New Years Eve! Anyone got any big plans?
( gifts for toby's friends )
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[07 Dec 2009|10:07pm] |
you try to keep me out, and you're impossible to climb.
i cannot break you down, can't walk around to reach the other side.
yet other times you keep me trapped...unwilling to let me go.
and on which side i stand? you'll never let me know.
but even when i am climbing i am unafraid to fall,
because no matter what i do you're still my beautiful wall.
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[17 Nov 2009|11:51pm] |
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Where to start? It's been a trying year for me, that was never a big secret. And I'm not going to make this one of those drawn out overly dramatic things. Cause what I want to take out of it is that even though it was a rough year, I survived it. Each one of you, in your own way contributed to that and I won't forget it. It's insane to think that it's already been a whole year. That everything that has happened, happened in such a definite amount of time, but it did. A year ago I was a scared, podunk, naive kid with a midwestern accent and now I'd like to think I am a man. One who knows who he is and knows what he wants and even what he can't have. I know you are probably reading all this wondering why all the sentimentality, well in short...it's time for me to move on.
My lease is up at the end of this month and after lots of consideration I decided not to renew it. In fact I'll be completely moved out tomorrow afternoon. I doubt I'll ever meet a group of neighbors as interesting as you guys, but I'll only be a few stops away on the subway. And you are so much more to me than just neighbors, more like my family. So this isn't goodbye more like a thank you for seeing me through the most important year of my life, so far. There is much more to come and I hope that you all continue to be a part of it.
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[22 Oct 2009|10:55pm] |
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you know whats the worst part of watching tv in a hospital...not being able to lower the volume everytime that annoying girl started crying on so you think you can dance.
I'm home now. Just a little asthma attack. no worries, I am alright. They just sort of forgot to release me? I think it had something to do with a mix up of charts and them thinking I had swine flu. I was there since monday night. I think it was triggered by being a miserable sobbing mess my heater being broken and being too scared to ask Wench-ell to fix it, topped off by stress. I am just paying for someone to come and look at it, the heater I mean. It's worth it if I can avoid talking to the old crone.
So yeah. That's whats up.
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[04 Oct 2009|08:29pm] |
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I really don't know what to say. It's been awhile, I guess I made it a point to have it be that way. It's wierd how you spend your life trying to get to that ideal state where everything is as it should be, but no matter what once you reach a certain point things are just never the same. Some lines should just never be crossed. I can't say I regret the things I've done, but if I could go back I seriously would prevent certain things from happening. The greeks told tales of the three fates spinning the thread of a man's life. One spun the wool into the string, the other measured it and when it was their time the third would cut the string. so if that was the case what is it that makes the strings entwine with others? And why do sometimes it all ends up a tangled mess? They must have had a grand time trying to untangle it. I wonder if that's why sometimes after the really devastating losses....some people just give up. Fate is unable to de-tangle it and they just...clip the string. Hmm that's depressing..and probably very boring to all of you I apologize lol. I'm working again, that's happy! Feels good to be out of the apartment and being productive...and more importantly having money. Despite it all things still don't seem fully right in my life, it's like everything is just one distraction after another and I am just waiting to snap out of it. I tried doing other things and venturing further away from Brooklyn. Don't get me wrong I am good with where I am, but there is always room for improvement. I don't really have a whole lot more to say. At least not anything worth mentioning... really.
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[28 Aug 2009|10:47pm] |
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another friday night and here i am once again alone. and all the while i argue with myself why i give so much importance to that fact. We are born alone, and we'll die alone... but i suppose those are reasons to not want to have to suffer through this existance alone. at least some of us don't can't won't. and even those who would tell you otherwise, need some sort of connection just not with me. i don't understand how someone can go through their life constantly seeking out what they say they don't need and when they find it they can so easily discard it. it may be concieted of me but i know there is more to us than just this and you know it too.
i can fool my friends and you, but i can't fool myself. i never saw this coming. it all started innocently enough, but the ferocity with which it started, only made the flames uncontrollable and now there is nothing but devestation in it's path. i hate this. i hate you. I don't expect nothing from anyone and am always willing to give of myself in return, and the one time i ask for anything... how do you make it look so easy? not caring.
i don't even know what i am writing anymore. or why for that matter. these were supposed to be my thoughts and as usual you consume every aspect of my being. all the tears they don't mean anything, they don't change anything so in the end it's all just a waste of time. but when you got nothing to live for though, i guess it really doesn't even matter.
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[02 Jul 2009|02:28am] |
Toby Cooper.
Just a city boy born and raised in South Detroit...ok maybe not South Detroit and not exactly a city boy but whatever( . )
( 6E )
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